Content warning: childhood sexual abuse, dissociation
Alone, confused
Tired of being used
But what can I do
I'm addicted to you
We live in a reality
Without any real honesty
Where white is blue
And we've all learned how to screw
Can you see
The hypocrisy in me
yes it's true
I can lie to you too
I was only seven
So I made her in my mind
To smile through the sickness
To carry what was mine
Do you remember
Ice cream in December
For two long years words were your disguise
Hurt was your prize
You made her feel special
Even when pressed against your pillow
Secrets she'd store
Secrets I'd ignore
Words are words
Or so I've heard
But I guess you knew
For I learned this from you
So protect our precious space
With another fake face
I got the clue
It was written all over you
With that look in your eye
Suspicion running high
Unspoken words more than a few
I just can't get rid of you
You made us believe
That love is pain, pain is love
Now what do I do
When I'm alone and confused
Did I have to make her like it
Just to survive it
Now what do I do
When I'm alone and confused
Pain is love, love is pain
I can't let her go, I love her so
Now what do I do
to stop these thoughts of you
I can quit too - I'm just like you
Erin Michelle Smith
1988